Me, Myself, and I

March 15, 2019

I have been trying to take better care of myself lately and surprise, surprise, I've been succeeding. I think it's one of those things where you take your eyes off the ball for a season and the ball balloons up from a tennis to a basketball! Lol. Seriously though, I think some of us are better wired to effortlessly juggle multiple responsibilities; I didn't get that wiring. It's the ability we all seek in life but unfortunately strive too hard to achieve. And striving tends to be futile and unbecoming. As a caregiver I've found that it was all too easy to make excuses about taking good care of my temple. I could recite Romans 12:1 easily and part of me wanted to be that acceptable sacrifice. But another self-serving part of me wanted to wallow in the seemingly overwhelming desire to stuff my feelings of frustration and fear down with food. I just couldn't seem to get 'it' ALL done? I can remember recently sitting in the doctors office crying about being fat and feeling overwhelmed. I lamented to the doctor, "you just don't understand what I'm going through, waaah!" I wasn't handling life; life was handling me. Blah, blah blah. Truth is, I had no goals, no routine. no vision for myself. And I hadn't yet gone to the One who DID understand-everything!! I knew all there was to know about the comings and goings of my Dad and his care but I was summarily ignoring what was happening to ME. My husband was getting leftover pieces and parts (kinda like chicken McNuggets. They LOOK and TASTE like chicken, but we all know--that's just scrap heap chicken parts smashed together). I was drowning and I didn't think I could even find a life preserver. It took this years church fast to reorient my mind and heart. More specifically, it took me calling out to God during the fast for a closer walk with what His priorities were for my life that kick started the change. Holy Spirit, being the gentleman that He is, threw me the life preserver I needed and, even better, tailor made it for me. A made up mind focused first on His Word and His vision is a powerful force. And a switch flipped. I thought I wouldn't find the key to a better balanced life for me and I was right. I couldn't find it on my own. I believe in my heart of hearts that it was forged that day I asked for the help I needed from the only One who knows me better than I know myself. He gave me steps I could be successful with that didn't involve gimmicks or fads; just focused intentionality. I now have 9 daily goals for myself which have literally given me life and not a never-ending 'to do list' death sentence! My weight is tracking in the right direction but even better than that is the clarity I am now the beneficiary of. I want better in all aspects of my life--to "Be Best" to reference our First Lady. No more settling for OK. It's S.T.R.E.T.C.H.I.N.G time. I want ALL that God has for me. Matthew 6: 33 really is so true: But seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things will be added unto you.