Trippin With Dad

Did you guys know you could have a "silent listening party" at home?  Some of you may have seen these parties advertised in big cities from time to time; I think there's even a Groupon to rent the equipment for one.  The premise is that a large gathering of people can listen to and enjoy the same music at a venue silently.  Everyone gets a pair of wireless headphones tuned into the same frequency.  The D.J. spins the tunes and only those with their headphones on can hear the jam.  No noise complaints from neighbors and still lots of fun for the participants.  It sounds kinda weird but we recreated that experience at our house.  Let's say you want to watch TV, listen to a music channel, stream video from Youtube etc. and you'd like to not disturb your loved one who happens to be asleep nearby. Then I've got just the device for you.  It's called CONNECT.  It is a universal bluetooth audio transmitter that can connect to two bluetooth headphones or speakers i

There comes a time in every womans life when she knows it's time for a change.  There's a subtle and discernible shift in the air around your brain where everything starts to look off.  My time came during our church fast in January.  Fasts are great times to confront LOTS of things, such as our cravings, our shortcomings and the dross that clutters up our lives.  Funny thing, my hair started feeling like part of the clutter.  On a hot day, there it was suffocating and clingy. While cleaning and cooking? There it was hanging all over the place.  Falling into my food while eating? All too common.  Then there were the constant comments and apparently hard to control urges to touch my hair by stranger after grabby stranger (without permission of course).  I started feeling like my hair could have hosted its own Facebook page and been waaaay more popular than me!  So my white roots started growing out but I had no particular plan in mind for the new growth.  Styling my hair with so

The Three Amigos It's Spring.  And Spring is the perfect time in Florida to head out to festivals and what not.  See, its really HOT in Florida starting May 6th every year and you literally cannot go out anywhere except to the places you need to survive which are church and the grocery store. Oh, and the pool.  That's pretty much it.  I am learning to plan excursions around the state during festival season which runs from September to May 5th. Because if not? If you try to hang out say, in July? You could literally burst into flames on the pavement (that applies to non-native Floridians of course).  We decided this Spring to swing into St. Augustine, the nations oldest city for a music and seafood festival and enjoy the cool sea air.  There are so many historic places to visit in Florida but St. Augustine is special.  It reminds you of the melting pot that is this country; what was established and what was lost in creating America.  Buildings hundreds of years old continue

OK. I need a sound off so I'm starting a poll.  How many Moms ever felt awkward taking their young sons to the women's restroom?  Seriously, was it ever weird and at what age did it get REALLY weird?  Dads, did you ever have to take your young daughters to the mens room?  How exactly did you handle that awkward moment or, if you managed to avoid it, how did you make that happen?   I'm not sure exactly what year family restrooms were introduced but I'd like to give that woman a medal!!  For real.  You get mean mugged out of enough mens rooms and you come to know what an OASIS a family restroom is.   When Dad was mobile, I spent many an anxious moment stationed outside of the mens room door making sure he was safe.  I really had no shame.  If I felt like he was gone a little too long out of my eyesight I would boldly open the door and ask in an extremely loud voice, "hey Dad! You OK?"  Maybe it was the nurse in me but I really felt like safety trumped personal

I need your help here dear reader as I am just now really embracing the role of disability advocate.  I would like your ideas and suggestions for ways you have helped those with mobility issues receive better treatment and attention.  Dad's dependence on a full-sized wheelchair is a relatively recent development; one we are all, quite frankly, still getting used to.  It's funny how accessibility isn't an issue until it is.  I notice things like ramps on street corners, seating arrangements in restaurants, bathroom layouts, even handicap parking placements at the Mall and I must say, some situations leave me scratching my head.  I am starting to speak up more and more out of shear necessity.  The days I travel alone with Dad are the most challenging.  I'm constantly asking myself, 'is there a safe place for me to drop him off if I can't park nearby?; Are there family style bathrooms to minimize embarrassment?; Will there be companion seating where the handicap se

Hi blogger family! No long post today as I. Is. tiyad.  We boot scooted off to St. Augustine for a weekend of seafood and music. I will write more later. Much love! Sylvia

It seems like the next step in the evolution of change is organizing...something.  The victim this time? My poor little closet.  I needed inspiration and Pinterest wasn't gonna do it.  I had to dig deeper.  Have you checked out Marie Kondo on Netflix? Well, I binge watched all 7 or so episodes and I've got to say, she is so stinking cute!  Mari is this lovely diminutive mom and wife from Japan who has a unique way of getting things in your home organized.  She works by specific categories and clothing is a distinct area that seemed to cause most of her customers a LOT of trouble.  Why oh why do we attach soooo much emotional energy to clothing?!  The Bible clearly states we should not be concerned about our raiment (or clothing) and that we should be willing to give up our cloak if asked.  So, again I ask, why is purging so hard really?  Space should be a delimiting factor as to how many articles of clothing we own.  But, it isn't.  Disposable income should limit how much w

Ahhh Fridays.  That most lovely of days waiting at the end of the week for you to relax into.  My honey and I have taken on Fridays as "our day" and I like to plan outings focused on new adventures.  (Ladies, I had to fight for date day to not devolve into putz around the house day or just lunch and a movie day cause, you know....)  With some effort it's pretty amazing what you can fit into a  6 hour period in Tampa Bay while Dad is at the country club.  So far, we've explored areas such as Channelside and Hyde Park, St. Petersburg and Dunedin, Tarpon Springs, Ybor and Tampa Heights.  We've hung out at gardens named Sunken and Busch.  Enjoyed fine dining, food truck dining and al fresco dining.  Gone shopping and gotten massages.  Taken water taxis and street cars.  Gotten caught in the rain and horribly caught in traffic.  Hung out at the beach, the pier and the museum.  Gone golfing, target shooting and race car driving.  Each time we are out and about,  God typ

My Dad has always been a sharp dresser.  Not every day mind you or for every occasion but when he chose to, he could lay. it. down. I just love stories from his youth about the origins of his style.  Before he had any disposable income, he would watch how the guys in the neighborhood dressed hoping to be able to eventually shop with the dapper gentleman who sold suits out of the trunk of his Oldsmobile.  His dad wasn't in his life so, he adopted the style of his step-dad Jimmie Hicks and two beloved uncles: Lattimore and the hustler Ben.  Back then, you couldn't just walk into, say a department store and try on clothes.  Nope.  There had to be a whole nother level of entrepreneurship happening in the country neighborhoods.  And shoes? fugetaboutit!  You had to; a)  trace your foot on a piece of grocers paper  b) find someone who looked 'repectable' to shop for you  c)  pray the shoes fit properly and didn't hurt your feet cause you couldn't return them.  Dressin

I have been trying to take better care of myself lately and surprise, surprise, I've been succeeding.  I think it's one of those things where you take your eyes off the ball for a season and the ball balloons up from a tennis to a basketball! Lol.  Seriously though, I think some of us are better wired to effortlessly juggle multiple responsibilities;  I didn't get that wiring.  It's the ability we all seek in life but unfortunately strive too hard to achieve.  And striving tends to be futile and unbecoming.  As a caregiver I've found that it was all too easy to make excuses about taking good care of my temple.  I could recite Romans 12:1 easily and part of me wanted to be that acceptable sacrifice.  But another self-serving part of me wanted to wallow in the seemingly overwhelming desire to stuff my feelings of frustration and fear down with food.  I just couldn't seem to get 'it' ALL done?   I can remember recently sitting in the doctors office crying a

If we aren't killed as a result of a seemingly freak accident, how will we know when it's time to exit stage left?  For the saints of God I believe there will be a foreshadowing of the inevitable.  A brief time or a season when you get to have a presence in both realms.  One place was only ever your temporary home but it is the only home your flesh knows.  And the other home is the one your soul has been dreaming to return to but may feel a tad unsure about. For almost a year, my Dad has been dropping me lots of hints that he knows this world is getting stale for him.  He's been talking to his deceased brother (Tootsie) quite often and calling for his Mom at night.  Just like a good dad would, he has been preparing us for his time to fly away home by saying things like, "it won't be long now" and, "do you think I'll get to see my brother on the other side?"   At first I felt sorrow when he would want to talk about the next phase.  I'd typi

I LOVE the beach💖  Can you feel my heart beating through the screen?   The sounds, smells, and tranquility you feel while there make the trip soooo worth the drive.  Even better are the times we've been able to stay on the beach for extended  periods; where we can have the time to take it all in.  Me that is.  Truth be told, no one else in my household feels like I do about the beach.  It's pretty much a 'take it or leave it'  proposition for the guys.  Sure, they like the hotel part of the stay but the sand, sun and water? Not so much.  So, if I'm going to schlep them out to what they consider vast wasteland then, we all have to be comfortable.  Typically when I look for a great beach to visit with my family I consider three things: 1) wheel chair access, 2) close parking and 3) available bathrooms highest on the list.  Florida has the best beaches in the nation and I have made it my personal mission to try to explore all of the public access treasures I can find

Sometimes, you just get these crazy ideas and you think, 'why not?'  That's how it generally is when Raymond goes out of town for a class reunion or a golf outing.  I always say, "when the cats away, the mice will play", so my mind immediately constructs some fun adventure Dad and I can get into.  See, I used to sit at home and mope a bit when he'd leave.  You know, the old, 'woe is me!!, why can't I be having any fun?!?!' * cue the violins * Then, it dawned on me one day: Why AREN'T you having fun?  Fun is a CHOICE.  I flipped the script and next thing you know I've got us booked to go to San Antonio. No...the OTHER San Antonio.  You may not already know this dear reader but, I actually live in San Antonio, FLORIDA ( people who live right up the road in Tampa have never even heard of San Antonio Florida so, don't feel bad. LOL).  Anyway, I've never spent any real time in Texas so, I says to Dad, "You wanna go to the OTHER San

Who knew it was going to be 'dental marathon' day?  What started out as a sprint turned into a pretty crazy, all day, multi-specialty dentalthon.  OK. It started at 0715 for a 9 a.m. check up.  Dad had been complaining about some pressure and pain around a lower molar so I wanted to get the source of the pain investigated by our regular dentist.  When you tell a dentist you are experiencing pain in a tooth they find some kinda way to get you seen quickly which is great.  Our hygienist must have worked as a contortionist in a prior professional life; watching her bend and twist to get the initial x-rays and then the panoramic view (all while Dad stayed comfortably in his wheelchair) was a sight to behold.  It took four of us and some blankets to get the shots needed.  Dad was a trooper through all of it...until about 11:15 when he caught a NASTY case of the hangries.  This was not Dads first rodeo with complicated dental exams but he'd hit the low sugar wall and well...  H

You ever get a case of the pure sillies?  We do.  I try not to suppress the urge to be goofy which, as it happens, is my normal M.O.  Yup.  I've always embraced my goofy side because I feel like its a right hard won by our ancestors who maybe didn't have as much freedom of expression as we have.  And I clearly got it from my Dad. We've got  receipts.  He's always had a silly and devilish side.  I can recall being scared witless on more than one occasion when we would walk the dusty roads on a summers night in Woodland Park.  We used to beg to go out at night with our flashlights and our courage hoping Mom and Dad would lead us down some new path (or one that looked new by moonlight).  I can only imagine how tired they had to be by the end of the day seeing after all us kids.  But still they'd get out the flashlights and take point into what we envisioned as some grand adventure.  While us kids would be laughing and talking my parents would shut off their flashligh

Not bragging...at all but I really do have the most amazing God-sent partner in my husband Raymond.  When we embarked on this season of our marriage it was with eyes wide open and hearts full knowing that the Lord appointed us as caregivers with His support.  What we came to realize after my Mother's death in May, 2013 was that His support meant a tangible mini-village of people we could call upon to keep all of us sane, healthy and whole.  First and foremost has been our church family in Defiance, Ohio and now Wesley Chapel, Florida.  Our Pastors and church members have prayed for us, nurtured us, counseled us and generally fueled our journey with positivity. We are so grateful for our current Pastors Ed and Janis Russo and the love they show my Dad regularly.  Our friends in Defiance (our Big Sisters and Brothers) took time out of their busy schedules to visit, bring goodies and take Dad out for meals.  I cannot tell you how much that lifted his spirits especially after Mom p

To be clear, I did not embrace the idea of adult day care for a long time.  I questioned whether anyone could care for my Dad as we had become accustomed to doing.  You know what I mean; are they going to understand his needs--anticipate them even like we do perfectly every day (ha ha).  Turns out that was hubris on my part.  As much as Dad loves us and loves spending time with his nuclear family he was craving social interactions with adults his own age; and there was NO way we could provide that.  Why was I blind to this fact initially?  Honestly? I think it was because I saw what he LACKED more than I could see what he had to OFFER.  My Dad has always been a very social man.  He has literally never met a stranger.  It might take him just a couple of minutes to get you sized up but once he connects with you he can talk for hours.  And I mean hooouuurrrsss. It took me having a heart to heart with the Veterans Administration social worker to even entertain adult day care as an option

Recently I had the pleasure of text talking with a young caregiver about the stresses and strains of the role on everyone involved in her household.  This may sound strange but texting among caregivers or meeting virtually say, by video chat can be a really useful means of regular communication.  It would be nice to meet up at someones home or a coffee shop or... but often the role responsibilities simply won't allow it.  I know, I know.  Texting to some may be cold and video chatting just not personal enough but, honestly, sometimes, that's all we have the energy for.  In the bigger scheme. the key point is that caregivers get to talk to other caregivers from time to time for support, ideas, prayers and praise reports.  It's hard to explain.  New Moms go through a similar season right?  When you feel isolated and overwhelmed yet you wouldn't trade places.  Caregiving for a parent is close but waaay different.  As a parent, you automatically feel empowered to make the b

I think the biggest compliment you can receive about your spouse as a caregiver from total strangers is that they think YOUR parent is your spouses parent.  I get asked this all of the time.  People want to know, "Is that your Dad or his?"  The fact that no one can tell speaks absolute volumes about the man I was God-blessed to marry; none other than Raymond Blakely.  Make no mistake, my Dad IS Raymonds dad and you couldn't tell him otherwise.  Their relationship was forged in fire (I kinda felt sorry for Raymond marrying a 'baby daughter' though. Lol) and the bond is forever. When we talked about moving to Florida to retire, there was never any question that Dad would go with us for his second Florida retirement.  Every decision we've made after that has been with Dad's best interest in mind.  Has it been a strain at times? You betcha.  We go through quite a bit of effort to make sure we have couples only time while also making sure Dad never feels neg

In the twenty years my parents were permanently in Florida they became rooted and grounded in their new home without hesitation or regret.  This may sound strange to some but I am quite sure many in my family felt as if my parents were abandoning them.  NO ONE ELSE had a) retired so young and b) left the family behind for a fresh start in a new place.  In the years between 1995 until 2005  my parents traveled the length and breadth of this country by car, rail and plane.  They celebrated their 40th anniversary in the Bahamas and their 50th by renewing their vows in Chattanooga, TN and taking a life-changing trip to Accra, Ghana.  In 1998 they traveled to Europe to see cities both of them had only dreamed about (London was Moms favorite and Paris was Dads).  They served faithfully in their new church home helping to start a soup kitchen with the intrepid Lavonne Barnaby, taught Sunday School and trained Deacons and Deaconesses.  They were good council to many friends helping when some g

The Reynolds family was the most traveled family in our beautiful westside Detroit neighborhood-- or so we were told by my friends.  I'm not sure about that but I do know many of my parents vacation breaks were not spent at home.  I didn't know until much later that my parents were quite a bit older than my friends parents--and those younger families were looking to MY parents to see what was possible.  But as we expanded our own horizons we found even more families that enjoyed the luxury of second homes "up north" or "down south".  Families who spent summer vacations 'by the lake' and winter vacations hunting in the woods.  Families who owned boats and motor homes and other toys.  Wealth made possible by good jobs in the factories of Chrysler, Ford and GM and the industries that fed them.  Detroit was a boom town and we were its jewels.  No other American city had higher rates of black home ownership than Detroit and everyone felt that pride. My D